


Guilt. All I feel is guilt.

by amy_may



Category: Jurassic World: Camp Cretaceous (Cartoon)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-16
Updated: 2021-01-16
Packaged: 2021-03-14 18:53:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28800144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amy_may/pseuds/amy_may
Summary: Kenji stops on his own everyday to think about Ben, to think about how things could’ve been different and nothing will ever stop or change the guilt that he always feels in his heart whenever he thinks about him.
Relationships: Kenji Kon/Ben Pincus
Comments: 10
Kudos: 57





	Guilt. All I feel is guilt.

It was a new day at Isla Nublar. Kenji, Darius, Brooklyn, Yasmina and Sammy didn’t know how long it had actually been since everything went wrong but they didn’t really want to. 

“You okay Kenji?” Darius asked as the rest of them stopped, watching as Kenji didn’t follow. 

“Yeah I’m fine, just need a minute on my own, been around you dorks too long” he said teasingly yet with a hint of what seemed to be sadness hidden in his voice. They knew why. None of them said it aloud but they knew. They were all hurting since they’d lost Ben but Kenji? Kenji was taking it the hardest. He’d stopped every day since the accident and said the same thing every time, that he just needed air and some time alone and that he was fine. They knew he wasn’t. They all nodded silently, turning away and carrying on back to the camp that they’d made for themselves, as much of it as they could salvage really. 

Kenji sat down, shakily sighing and rubbing a hand over his face, briefly looking down at the fanny pack wrapped around his waist before his eyes filled up with tears for the millionth time since the accident. He sat down on the nearest tree trunk and just cried. Every day he would cry harder than the last and every day the pain in his chest continued to get worse. It should be getting easier, he thought to himself, isn’t the saying that with time the wound starts to heal? So why am I not healing? He thought, the tears running down his face multiplying and flowing like a waterfall down his cheeks. He didn’t even bother to wipe them away. He was hurting and he didn’t care that he was showing it. He missed Ben more than anyone could ever imagine. He’d only known him for a few days but because of Ben’s clinginess to Kenji specifically it always made the two closer than they were with the others. 

Outwardly Kenji would show annoyance to Ben’s constant clinging to his arm or cuddling into him but deep down he really didn’t mind it at all, in fact he actually enjoyed it, that’s why he never made an effort to shrug Ben off so from having that everyday to all of a sudden not having it at all, it hurt and boy he’d do anything to get that back now, anything. There were certain days where his arm would feel especially cold in scary situations because he knew that if Ben was here he’d be clinging onto it for dear life. But he wasn’t. He was gone. And that was something Kenji just couldn’t come to terms with or accept. What also griped at Kenji was the fact that out of all of them, Ben didn’t want to be there the most. That’ll always stick with him, the one who didn’t even want to be there had to lose his life? He knows he sounds selfish when he thinks like that but he just can’t help it. It was unfair and didn’t have to happen at all. 

And that’s another thing that gets to him. Why were they all just stood there? When Kenji rethinks those moments over in his head he can’t seem to understand how what happened actually happened. One minute everything was going well and the next it just wasn’t. He was so shocked by the sudden change of scene that he couldn’t move. What’s happening? He thought. Is this real? The longer he stood there in shock unable to move the more Darius was losing his grip on Ben’s hand and when he finally came full throttle back into the universe after feeling like he’d been stuck in place for an unbearable amount of time, he watched Ben slip away. And then it was just pain. All he remembers is sinking to his knees in utter shock and despair. He was too late. If he’d dragged himself out of his own head in time Ben would still be here. It’s all his fault, he thought. It didn’t have to happen. It shouldn’t have happened. And he’ll never forgive himself. 

Losing Bumpy wasn’t easy either. One of the only things he had left of Ben and he just had to go and lose that too. Ben loved Bumpy and from the second he’d lost him on the monorail he inwardly swore to himself and to Ben that he would never let Bumpy go, that he’d protect her and even take her back with him to live in his mansion because if Kenji knew Ben then he knew that he wouldn’t have left the island without her and the only place big enough for Bumpy to live would be his mansion. He also has enough money to take care of her and give her whatever she needed. That was his plan that he’d quickly thought out in his head on the monorail and as quickly as he thought about all of that, he lost Bumpy too. 

He clung to Ben’s fanny pack, crying even harder than he was before, the endless heartache he had about Ben worsening by the second. But he still had some hope left that Bumpy was still out there, maybe he could still take her home and give her the love she deserves like Ben would’ve wanted. And inside of him he still had a tiny flame of hope that Ben was still alive too. I mean, they’ve been walking around this island for god knows how long now so you would’ve thought they’d have bumped into him at some point if he were alive but he’s gotta keep the hope going somehow. But still everyday he comes out here just to think about Ben and everything they could’ve done differently so that he’d still be here. And that’ll never change, even when they get out of here, if they get out of here. He’ll always think of and maybe even talk to Ben whenever he can. Always.

“I miss you Ben” he said through a sob “I’ll keep your dork pouch safe for you okay?” He continued, finally wiping his eyes and looking up to the sky. “And if I find Bumpy, just know that I’ll never let her go, I’ll give her the love and home that I know you would’ve wanted her to have.” He finally stood back up, wiping his eyes once more, his heart still heavy. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow” he finished softly, looking back down at the ground as he walked back into camp, plastering a smile onto his face as he rejoined the others.

**Author's Note:**

> AAAA THIS WAS MY FIRST EVER BENJI FIC AND IT WAS SO ANGSTY PLS I’M SORRY. If I ever write another benji fic which I really hope I will it definitely won’t be this sad I PROMISE. Anyways I hope you enjoyed reading thank u!💕


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